Roles
by OceansGratitude
Summary: "You're the one," Megamind scorned. The brainbots watched him nervously, and passersby watched them nervously, as he gripped tight the spikes of the car. "Who wanted to to switch roles. Thought you could be Megamind for a day? Well, how is it? Are you having fun?" "Nevermind," said Minion. "I'll figure it out myself."
1. Chapter 1

_This is easy_ Megamind scoffed for the twentieth time in as many seconds. _This is so easy, what does he even complain about?_

The invisible car idled beside one of Roxanne Ritchi's regular bus stops. The bus was due in ten minutes, but Roxanne was due in three. Two other ladies around her age were already sitting there, talking loudly, as Minion had complained they always did.

"They just never say anything nice, you know?" Minion had whined to him over his shoulder. He'd finished his work, so he had occupied himself by swinging around the support poles in the lair and talking at Megamind while he tinkered. "You know what they say: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!" Minion had pulled his feet off the floor in boredom, swinging. "And these ladies! They're so mean! I'd hate for someone to talk about me behind my back like that!"

"Just turn your microphones off."

"Well then I wouldn't be able to hear if-"

A sudden jolt and, "CRAP!" hollered Megamind as his head banged against the steering wheel. His hands burned with sudden impact, and he coughed, wide eyed, as he realized the cloaking system was down.

Those two ladies shrieked, and one of them cried, "Call Roxie!" Megamind yanked the rubber stoppers out of his hears and glared into his rear view mirror. The taxi driver that had rear ended him stared back in horrified astonishment.

 _My_ car has spikes, Megamind thought vengefully. He yanked the car into reverse and slammed the iron points into the front of the poor man's taxi. Then with a shriek of the tires he switched gears and zoomed around the corner.

"Honestly, you have such an easy job, Minion," Megamind had groaned without turning around. "It won't be long before I program brainbots to kidnap Roxanne Ritchi for you. Then what will you do?"

"Oh _boy_ , sir," the fish had laughed mirthlessly.

By the time Megamind was far enough from the bus stop that he wasn't in danger of death-by-mob, he was sure that he had missed the bus. And missed the certain Miss who was probably on the bus.

He groaned, and reached up to his nose, which hurt like heck, but didn't appear to be broken or bleeding. On the same wrist he meddled with his communication watch and summoned four brainbots.

Then with loose and rubbery movements Megamind freed himself from the car and went around to pop the hood and tinker. Repairing the cloaking device was a simple matter of reattaching a wire and applying a generous wad of electric tape. Across the road, a dog-walker gathered his 90 pound doberman up into his arms, covered its innocent eyes, and walked hastily in the opposite direction.

"Oh, you think I couldn't?" Megamind had sneered. "I could train an ape to do what you do!"

"Sir!"

"Sir?" Megamind's wrist watch crackled, and he jumped. The brainbots, buzzing, finally appeared from over the rooftops, and Megamind hissed at them to be quiet.

"Hi, Minion!" He adopted an overly cheerful tone and leaned against the car. The brainbots watched him with worshipful puzzlement. "I guess you were wrong about Miss Ritchi taking the bus today. She never showed up! And those ladies?" He rubbed a finger in his ear, which was still sore from the ear plugs he had been wearing. "They were just discussing the stock market."

"Oh," Minion, somehow, didn't sound very surprised. "Well, I'm sure you'll find a way. Actually… um…"

Megamind had turned, with a bold finger pointed at Minion's chest. "All you have to do if spray her in the face and tie her up! _I_ , on the other hand! Have to plan everything out! _Everything!_ "

Minion had lifted the index fingers of both hands to his lips, like one restraining himself. He had peered over them at Megamind contemplatively. Then he had gestured with an open palm to the documents sprawled out across Megamind's table- most of them in his own handwriting.

"I was wondering… um… How do I sync up the invention thingy to the computer?"

Megamind threw his head back in a victorious laugh. "Oh, so you're not the technological genius you _thought_ you were?"

"I never said that, sir," Minion's voice was a little too soft. "Could you just-?"

"You're the one," Megamind scorned. The brainbots watched him nervously, and passersby watched them nervously, as he gripped tight the spikes of the car. "Who wanted to to switch roles. Thought you could be Megamind for a day? Well, how is it? Are you having fun?"

"Nevermind," said Minion. "I'll figure it out myself."

The commlink went dead.

Megamind glanced across the road. The lonely area was empty right now, perhaps because of the ominous blue glow always cast by brainbots. They looked at him like children chastised.

"What?" He demanded, scowling. "We have no time to waste. I have to get Miss Ritchi to the site of Minion's _whatever_ plan before he figures out his _whatever_ invention. Where does that bus go?"


	2. Chapter 2

Minion braced his teeth angrily and paced, for the hundredth time today, across Megamind's lair, under Megamind's idea cloud. By Megamind's table. With Megamind's things.

A less rational fish might have flipped that table in frustration, and broken some of those things. The idea had passed only occasionally through his mind. But Minion was far too reasonable for such violence, and limited himself to ripping down the few notes that hung low enough to bother him.

One of them, hung back in 2004, had a little doodle of himself, smiley-faced, in sharpie marker.

Minion clutched it in both hands, staring stiffly at it as he paced.

A brainbot buzzed by to inform him with a whistle and a blurp that Megamind had called out a small squad of bots to help him kidnap Miss Ritchi. Which meant there would be plenty of time to prepare… something. Some evil thing.

But even if Megamind did get hung up trying to kidnap Ms. Ritchi, there was no way Minion would be able to figure out that computer code on his own. So oh well!

He hadn't _wanted_ to switch roles! He'd only _wanted_ a little more appreciation! But _Sir_ had thought that Minion was challenging him and flew off the handle. And, _somehow_ , here he was, expected to come up with some grandiose plan all alone in only a few hours! Well!

He'd taken one of Megamind's old lasers and repainted with a nice subdued color pallet he'd found on Pinterest.

Operation: I Tried

It was… well, what was expected of him. To obey, and take the challenge, and have _something_!

At best somebody would sympathize with him. Maybe Megamind would realize he was asking too much, and actually apologize for once? Wouldn't that be swell.

At worst, he'd be put in jail.

Minion stopped pacing, staring at that cartoonish smiling version of himself. Without a body.

He'd really rather that didn't happen.

He nearly jumped out of his scales when a brainbot _thumm_ ed behind him. Picking up the scattered papers. Laughing at himself, Minion thrust the drawing out to it. "Put this in my box."

It buzzed away. Minion glanced back at the computers.

* * *

At the next bus stop, she still didn't get off. Or the next one. Megamind scrubbed at his itchy face and tapped his fingers on the wheel.

He'd had to disguise the invisible car as a yellow taxi to prevent giant trucks and such from driving right into him. From the sidewalks, several angry citizens had tried hailing him over.

He ducked his head anxiously into his collar, and kept his gaze fixed on the road, still watching the third bus stop from the corner of his eye.

Wasn't this it? This was her stop. The next one wouldn't be for several miles.

He pulled a quick and illegal maneuver to get his car two lanes over and parked by the curb. Horns blared, but Megamind ignored them, intent on his target.

He could see her through the windows; the sleek slope of her shoulders, the noble nape of her neck and the handsome hair of her head. The Radiant Roxanne Ritchi.

Megamind checked his appearance in the mirror. He smoothed his eyebrows, biting his lip, and went through the steps in his mind.

"Oh how lucky!" one of her friends said, as they stumbled off the bus after her. "A taxi!"

"Oh I can't take that one," said Roxanne offhandedly. "Minion's in it."

No! He blanched, and her friends tried to peer in through the one-way windows. "How can you tell?" asked one of them, and Roxanne replied something about car models and spikes. "Nice try, Minion!" They were walking away, and he fumbled in humiliation for the controls.

How did she- how do you recognize your kidnapper, _acknowledge_ him and just-?

He almost pounced at her from the car, but then he'd be exposed. And by now she was far enough to evade him easily. Her hips swayed as she walked away, and Megamind anger was flattened beneath something else.

"Hey, taxi!" Some random man welcomed himself into Megamind's car with a huff. "Take me up t- HOLY SH-!"

With a growl, Megamind dehydrated him and threw him back out into a crowd of cityfolk. He activated invisibility mode and revved away as cries of alarm spread down the street.

* * *

Minion must be feeling lazy today, Roxanne supposed, as she rounded the corner. Synthia and Amanda broke off to get coffee, but Roxanne had promised to come to work a little early. She hadn't expected they'd be trying to kidnap her already.

She put as many people between she and the street as possible, and from the distance it was tricky to tell which taxis were real, and which weren't. Though up close she couldn't believe Amanda had fallen for it. Really, what was up?

As she turned the corner, Megamind lept out at her.

"Crap!" She yelped as she dodged to the right. Megamind's eyes widened as his arms pinwheeled, and she took the chance to kick him in the knee.

"OW! Wait-"

"Can you _at least_ wait until I've checked into work? Would that be too hard? And why are _you_ here?"

"I'm- Ms. Ritchi, please-"

"-In public? I can't be seen talking to you. Buzz _off._ "

His eye twitched. Roxanne barked a laugh at him and turned running.

With legs proportionally longer than his, even in heels she was faster. She grinned despite herself, about to hurl a coy insult over her shoulder when a flash of blue pulsed by her field of vision, and a newspaper box to her right shrunk into a tiny cube.

She stared at the cube, her thoughts ground to a halt. Megamind was standing behind her, not even trying to chase her. She turned around slowly, eyes wide.

"Did you just try to _dehydrate_ me?

The incriminating gun was still glowing in his hand, and he stared back at her, his expression open, eyebrows lifted over a pinched frown. Slowly he pulled it behind his back. "No?"

"You did! What's _wrong_ with you today?"

"I just need you t-"

"You guys wanna buy a bagel?"

"NO" They both whirled around simultaneously on the poor man who had stumbled out a nearby store. At spotting Megamind with a gun in his hand, he dropped his bagels. "My bad," he said, and went back where he came from.

Megamind groaned in frustration and brandished his gun again. "Miss Ritchi, you're coming with-"

She wasn't there anymore. He blinked and listened for the sound of her heels on the pavement ahead.


End file.
